STEAM BASEBALL 101

Baseball fans across the city are aware that Major League Baseball has slightly more problems than a Baghdad plumber.  However they may not be aware of the fact that the Great Lakes Summer Collegiate League has their bases covered.  Friday night the Cincinnati Steam opened their second season at Western Hills High School to a packed house. 

What was the draw for so many people on a beautiful summer evening?  Was it the old fashioned atmosphere and fan friendly focus that attracted the fans to the game?  Was it the overall talent and aggressiveness of the players? Or was it the effort Steam management makes to align itself with the community?  As I sat in the stands Friday night pondering these questions, I had a revelation.  It’s all of these things rolled into one and marketed as “Steam baseball”.

STEAM BASEBALL 101
- The DH rule is mandatory, so we don’t have to watch National League pitcher types swing like a little kid trapped in a car with a bee.

-  Any ball hit into the crowd is handed to the nearest kid to be turned in for a free Popsicle.

-  Any knucklehead behind home plate who is seen waving at the internet camera as he jabbers on his cellphone -- Can you see me? I'm on the NET! -- gets a free tray of Coca-Cola ... poured on him.

-  There are no phantom tags. Does LeBron James get two points for an air ball?

-  A reliever doesn't get a save if the lead wasn't in peril. If the tying run never gets out of the dugout, there's no save -- but he can be first to the postgame grill out.

-  The games are fast paced;

a)       Hitters don’t leave the batter's box. There is no reason for Jason Giambi to step out and adjust his gloves, jersey, hat, belt or cup after a ball. Yet he does it every time.

b)       Pitchers don’t wander off the mound.  In the big leagues pitchers circle the mound after every pitch like they're performing Hamlet.

c)       Managers don’t make more than three trips to the mound per game. They always say the same thing anyway: "Throw strikes, for chrissakes!" Gee, thanks, Skip. The idea hadn't occurred to me.

d)       Never more than one pitching change per half inning. If a pitcher can only get right handed hitters out, he should be sent back to Pawtucket.

-  Sushi is not a ballpark food. Everything here is flame broiled.